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Back in One Piece
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Oct 22, 2006 11:09 pm
Mood: sleepy,
1442 Views
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Oh, soooo tired...
Just a long, long weekend, but still all went pretty well, even if I really got no good sleep, but one must do what one must do, but the convention was reasonably fun, and I got a great new t-shirt that makes fun of pirates and ninjas 
Looking forward to the Cowboy game tomorrow night, especially since the Eagles lost. But, we do have troubles with the Giants, so I think it will be a close game.
C.
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9
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Good Beginnings
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Oct 15, 2006 5:13 pm
Mood: happy,
1472 Views
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I always love a Cowboys win. Even though we think of it as the end of the weekend, but it is a good beginning to face the week. Normally, it takes me a day to get over a loss, but a good win lasts until the next debacle, lol.
And I noticed some other good games and results that favored my leanings like the Beagles and Deadskins losing. Only thing that would have made it better would have been a Giants loss. We get them next week, so maybe we can hand them a loss and continue to hold ground in the division, plus a good home win helps the week before a 3 week road trip.
I'll be off to Houston later in the week, so I hope that goes well, and hope everyone has a good week.
C.
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5
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Ten Years On...
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Oct 12, 2006 2:57 pm
Mood: nostalgic,
1499 Views
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On this day in 1996, 10 strange and sometimes wonderful years ago, I was married for the first time. Of course, I was divorced 5 years ago, but I just happened to think about the date, and noticed it had been 10 years. Wow. Where has the time gone? All those other cliches I am supposed to say as well... I have to admit, after thinking about it, I am not as reminiscent as I had been in year previous. That makes me glad in many ways, a little sad in others. But for the most part glad, for that means I have well and truly moved on with my life, for good or ill. Still, I do wonder at times how things might be if we were still married, and again, I don't wonder so much anymore, but on a calm, cool October day like this (much like the same one of 10 years ago), I cannot help but wonder.
Well, I don't think I will email her about it, lol. She doesn't need the reminders either. This also means another 10 year anniversary is coming up... but that one is a bit sadder, and a subject for another, more appropriate time.
So, now I have written my yearly comment on my failed marriage on the day of the marriage. Since it is the ten year mark, I feel I don't have to do so anymore. It has been long enough, I should say.
C.
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Almost What I Expected
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Oct 8, 2006 11:55 pm
Mood: irritated,
1525 Views
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With all the hype surrounding the Cowboys-Eagles game, I pretty much expected a letdown, which meant a sloppy game and an embarrassing loss. I will give the Cows credit, they kept it close until that dumb interception at the end. While much can be said about the vaunted blitz addict Joe Johnson and his defense, the Cows own defense (which was supposed to be pretty good, and played pretty good at times) let McNabb and some spare parts receivers beat them on three long plays basically. It didn't help that Dallas had to play from behind a lot, but again, they led at halftime and the game was tied 24-24 in the 4th quarter, and Dallas was inside the 10 when the Philly interception occurred. Nonetheless, the Cowboys lost, the national media is happy because they get to write disparaging things about our 2nd best receiver (that would be T , and they get to doll up the 2nd biggest ego in the game (McNabb) as the sweetheart of the NFC again. Basically, a typical start to the season in the NFL and for my favorite team... yay.
If some might think I might be taking some shots at Philly, even though they won, you would be correct. Hey, at least I don't print editorials insulting the opposing cities right before the game as Washington and Philly have done in the recent (like this week) and not so recent past. At least New York has the class not to act in such a manner... most of the time. Times like this I miss the Crudnals. Usually 2 wins a year guaranteed (or Washington before last year
Everyone have a great week... hopefully we can bounce back against the Texans next week.
C.
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2
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Fragmenting
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Oct 5, 2006 7:19 pm
Mood: melancholy,
1518 Views
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Ever had something linger just at the edge of your mind, unable to reach to it, but you know it's waiting, and worse, you know it is important. It seems I feel this all the time. I have memories I do not want, nor remember actually experiencing, and have been places I do not remember going. The explanations are complicated, I assure you, and not so much going into at the moment. Suffice to say what I have feared returning has, and I am not happy about it in the least. I guess I am tired of fragmenting, waking in the middle of the night not wanting to go back to sleep thanks to what I remember and would rather forget. But that is a double edged sword, I think. As someone who remembers far more than they should on a normal basis, I find this perplexing. And I'm not keen on medicating this, though I might not have much choice. Having gone down that road before, I certainly do not relish a return engagement.
I am hoping I can simply put it out of my mind, so to speak, but some of these 'fragments' that are returning might also be important, though others chill me to the core of my soul. I hope this doesn't sound melodramatic, but the original incident was something on the order of dramatic, so you might forgive me if I do not understate the gravity of what I have experienced.
Well, that's all I have. I'll try and be less morose later.
C.
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What I'm Reading This Week
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Oct 3, 2006 11:31 pm
Mood: sleepy,
1501 Views
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I've done this entry before, but since what I read does change about every other day, I figure I would update with some of the more interesting books I have read recently.
The Jesus Papers by Michael Baignet. Written by one of the co-authors of Holy Blood, Holy Grail(the inspiration for the DaVinci Code), this book discusses alternate theories on the historical Jesus and how the Jesus of faith came to be. Most interesting and complex.
Time's Eye and Sunstorm by Arthur C. Clarke and Stephen Baxter. Two of my favorite authors collaborate again, this time in a sort of sequel to the Space Odyssey series (these being a Time Odyssey), about some misplaced time travelers and a confrontation between Alexander the Great and Genghis Khan.
Foundation and Earth by Isaac Asimov. One of my favorite books by one of my favorite authors. Picked it up for a re-read.
Misquoting Jesus: The Story Behind Who Changed the Bible and Why by Bart D. Ehrman. An intriguing book on textual criticism of the New Testament and all the changes made to each of the books in the New Testament (something on the order of the number of words in said New Testament). A little dry, but a worthy read.
Hunters of Dune by Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson. The long-awaited sequel to Dune: Chapterhouse and worth the wait. While Frank Herbert could certainly create universe, Anderson and B. Herbert can really tell a riveting story. Cannot wait for the sequel, Sandworms of Dune.
The Disunited States of America and Settling Accounts: The Grapple by Harry Turtledove. Two great new novels by my favorite author, one about time travel to a United States of many small nations (set during the Ohio-Virginia war for an example) and the other a continuation of the Great War/American Empire/Settling Accounts series of books about an empowered Confederate States making war on the United States.
All these books I certainly recommend, though with the Harry Turtledove books, I recommend reading the earlier books in both series.
C.
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Sinus Congestion and Errata
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Oct 3, 2006 12:45 pm
Mood: sick,
1527 Views
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I haven't really had the chance to post thanks to some terrible sinus issues the past couple of days. I have mostly been content with commenting here and there, but the last couple of nights have been horrible, with my head feeling like it would explode and then the congestion so bad you can't sleep. I took some Ny-Quil and it helped some, but not really enough. Ah, well, that is simply the way it goes.
On other fronts, I think the NFL was not harsh enough with its penalty on Albert Haynesworth of the Titans for trying to scrape Andre Gurode of the Cowboys face off with his cleats. No lie, and if you have seen the replays you understand. I've been watching football for a long time (almost 30 years) and have never seen something so malicious. He got a 5 game suspension, and to me that was not harsh enough. Gone for the season, and I hope Gurode files criminal charges. If those cleats (grass cleats, mind you) had been an inch to the left or right, Gurode would have been blinded, that's how bad this is. No place for this in football. Some might see this as Cowboy bias, but I would be furious if one of our guys did it too.
Ok, off to get more meds... stay safe all.
C.
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7
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Shade of Trees
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Sep 29, 2006 7:56 pm
Mood: calm,
1506 Views
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This is something of a rewrite... actually only the title is the same. It was necessary I think, though I liked the original. I was inspired, oddly, by Gen. Thomas 'Stonewall' Jackson's dying words: 'Let us cross over the river, and rest underneath the shade of trees.' Really, such a welcoming, comforting imagery, though I suppose a little morose, but in a romantic sort of way I guess.
'Shade of Trees'
Wait for me...
Help me shield this distant heart,
Lest we forget
The words and wonder which
Brought us to such a moment,
Beneath the enduring calm of
The shade of trees.
Let me reach to you...
Calm the burden of our souls;
Allow me to forgive
The troubles and trials that
Have plagued my mind,
And let us earn such
A welcome respite.
Wait for me...
And I will wait for you
Beyond the river's edge,
Amid the warm embrace of
Time.
C.
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6
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Why Are You Here?
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Sep 28, 2006 4:10 pm
Mood: contemplative,
1530 Views
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Originally, I was going to post and update and old essay like I did with the other 'questioning essays'; however, since I have changed so much since the, and this particular question is so important, instead, I soldier on with an all new commentary today (though it still owes much to the old essay).
'Why Are You Here?'
One can answer this enduring question literally, rhetorically or philosophically, or perhaps an inkling of all three. Clearly, one can say 'I am here for the blogs' or 'I am here for some sex' and have answered the question to some satisfaction. Realistically, it is the short answer of the here and now. The intent of the question reaches beyond the present and lies in the realms of the past and future as well. The question has plagued philosophers, politicians, lay persons, clergy and satirists all (42, anyone?) and the answer eludes us for the answer is as personal as the question. 'Why are you here?' Only the self knows, and sometimes we do not truly know. I think it takes a deep understanding of self, and the desire to reach into the places we sometimes fear to tread to fully realize the answer. On the other hand, it can be simple, so simple that all the seeking in the universe can be dismissed for the answer was in front of us all the time. Hence, the elusiveness of the question and the answer: so simple, yet amazingly complex. Needless to say, we have fought more than enough wars, converted enough people to religions they may or may not have wanted to be a part of, and generally caused enough havoc throughout this grand experiment of history that should have satisfied the question for all time. Instead, we are still searching, more as a whole than as individuals. An individual can understand, but can a people?
Of course, the answer is intensely personal as well as necessary for the growth of a greater whole, but in the end, it is all about what you and I seek and seem. My answer, while perhaps a link to the greater part of the universe, is still my answer, derived, I think from the other questions I have posed. To that end, I feel I can answer to some extent, though it has certainly been tangled and disrupted by both external and internal forces. Yet, it is simple and sublime: to live. Perhaps it is a bit idealistic and naive, but to me, it is enough. I see the heart of the universe sometimes when writing, feel its call and allure, and all I can think of is that it wants me to live. It is a primal call, one must think. And I think it is enough for me.
So, now one must determine if it is enough for yourself, or if the answer is completely different (which I hope it is, as it should be). Either way, if one can come to a satisfactory answer, then all the better. So many of us search and search, and see nothing more than our immediate surroundings, but once one has sought a higher understanding, reached an accord with the universe, so to speak, then one can reach outside of self, and ask these hard questions about self. The trick is finding the answers, something we have been searching for longer than we would have liked. And still we search, for in doing so we might be able to understand. Understand what? Well, like the questions, it is all up to you. It has always been so, and I feel, shall ever remain as such.
Thanks for listening to these commentaries and pontifications. I hope you continue to question, continue to seek the higher answers. In the end, we might find out more about ourselves than we ever knew.
C.
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2
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Quote for the Early Morning
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Sep 27, 2006 3:43 am
Mood: contemplative,
1502 Views
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'To write history, one must be more than a man, for the keeper of this great justiciary must be free of all preoccupation of interest... or vanity.' -- Napoleon Bonaparte
Just when you think you know a dictator, he surprises you. Actually, I believe this was before he lost his mind later in life. Needless to say, I keep this particular quote in mind when writing, and he is right, though. Being objective, when faced with the horrors of the past and present, is trying and oft times impossible. Bias creeps into all news, histories and politics. The trick is trying to filter it and make an objective judgment for one's self. Anyway, one of my favorite quotes, especially considering the source.
And yes, this is leading to another post that will require me to keep Napoleon's words in mind.
C.
btw, my mood is more a combination of intrigued and sleepy (as I am up in one of my early morning can't sleep but tired modes), not contemplative, but it is still the best fit from SwapFinder's limited choices, lol
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4
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Where Are You Going?
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Sep 25, 2006 11:11 pm
Mood: contemplative,
1165 Views
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When generally asked this question I have usually answered, 'Anywhere I have to' or, 'To the store'. Either way, it seems sound and sometimes vague (which store? where is anywhere?). I have also answered 'out there'. Also, good enough for me, especially since my predilections lend me toward exploration, and ever the possibility of reaching to the stars. In any event, what follows is a continuation of the essays I have written,(although they are probably more commentaries since I don't really make any citations) posing a simple question that, to me, can only be answered by understanding who I am and what I want.
'Where Are You Going?'
Two questions, 'Who are you?' and 'What do you want?' have led to this question, 'Where are you going?' This question has trouble existing without the prior two. Without them, to me, the destination is aimless and I am simply adrift in the seas of vague mediocrity. So, where am I going, then? Anywhere I have to. Determination? Perhaps. A safe answer? maybe. More questions? A certainty. But I think it is more a willingness of self to understand that where I go is a result of opening my self to who I am and what I want. So, I go where I must and do what is therefore needed for self and my understanding of the higher mysteries of the universe. I suppose my journey is clearly more metaphysical than physical now, but I see it as both, even if in the past I did not see it as such.
Because of my questioning, I have undertaken physical journeys for others as much as self. I have done so repeatedly in the past. The needs of others were necessary for my growth and I went on their journeys and shared their burden as much as I could. It was clearly not where I needed to be, but in helping others reach their destination, I had a clearer idea of where I wanted to go. In truth, I had already been there, but had not realized that was where I needed to go. It was not a geographic place, per se, but a state of mind, a state of being that was a place all its own.
We all long for a place to call our own, even if we do not admit to it. I have done so in the past, hence my aimless journeys throughout this odd and wonderful world. It was only when I understood myself in trying to understand the universe at large, then I could go where I had to. Before, I may have wanted to go elsewhere, but I was not aware of self nor knew what I wanted of self, and the destination was blurred, tainted of a sort. Only once we realize the sum of ourselves is greater than we can know, then the journey can be idealized. And then, we can have this idea of truly knowing what is wanted. Finally, the journey can begin. Perhaps I am not at my destination. I may never reach it. That is certainly a possibility with all the strange things I do and have done in my life. Now, however, I know at least that I can eventually reach a journey's end. I know where I am going. As long as you know, it is enough.
Of course, these questions beg one more to be answered. It is a summation of all three questions that began so simply. I never thought of them linked this way until I started asking of myself, asking what I wanted, and asking where I was headed. Now, it all comes together at the end. One final, and all important question that has been asked ever since we became aware of self...
'Why are you here?'
C.
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6
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What Do You Want?
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Sep 24, 2006 6:36 pm
Mood: calm,
1111 Views
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To me (perhaps being such a Babylon 5 fan), the next question I can see to ask is 'What do you/I want?' It is more selfish than 'Who are you?' but I think it is an internalization of 'Who are you?' and therefore important to discuss. So now, I leave you with my interpretation of 'What do you want?' and hopefully, the Shadows won't ask too much of me if I get what I want
'What Do You Want?'
This is a question that is asked a lot without thinking about the ramifications. Asked to me, I simply say ' to conquer the world... duh.' but to others it can mean a variety of things. It bothers some people but still a simple question with a terribly complex answer. What do you want? Want what? What do you mean? Perhaps you would like specifics, only none exist. The question remains, and like many questions of self, it also remains intentionally vague.
I think I want a lot of things if the question were asked without joking or I were to not answer with some bit of sarcasm... oh, wait I do want to rule the world. Have to have goals, I suppose. As far as mundane matters, I want as much as the next person. To be financially secure, to live and love completely, to travel, to feel good about this world, for us to take our rightful place in the galaxy amongst the stars... things of that nature. Some people would be quite brief and answer 'world peace' or 'feed everyone'. Good ideas mind you, but do you really want it? Is that truly what you want? If so, then fantastic. But is the question more about what you want than what you want for the world?
Sometimes no one wants to answer the question. Some refuse to have it answered and do not wish to hear it again. Perhaps their lives are so tragic that they cannot comprehend what they want, maybe not even who they are. This question is an extension of who one is, for it defines the goal, the passion of the person and is a part of their sum. Two sides of the same coin, 'Who are you?'... 'What do you want?'
I think I can answer the questions posed with assurance but with lingering doubt. Who does not doubt? It would be wrong to consider such a thing. We are never certain of the answer and sometimes less certain of the question, fueling the doubt until the question is lost, much less the answer. I know what I want because of who I am, that much is certain; but I fear other issues might change the answers. And other questions, linger, such as the next one... 'Where are you going?'.
C.
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4
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An Epiphany
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Sep 24, 2006 5:58 pm
Mood: calm,
1131 Views
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I decided to add this brief interlude before I continued my essays on certain questions to be answered when faced by higher beings... or really nosy people
This particular piece actually fits my own philosophical debates concerning higher questions and sometimes higher answers. I wrote it in a fit of inspiration (hence an epiphany) while traveling along the Great Ocean Road in South Australia. It was sort of a lead in to many of the issues that I have tackled since and hope to continue to explore.
'Epiphanies'
All my yesterdays combine
at points hidden and seen,
in sweeping vistas and distant shores;
places I have longed for,
wanted, and still feel.
This fabric of being cries out,
desperate to understand these moments
counting on tomorrow's concealed joy.
Is it right to wonder
For what I know could never be?
Journeys into future's days
are lost in revelations of past beauty;
an instant of perfect harmony,
a resurgence of the unrequited,
worth the struggles, travails, and pain.
Within myself I have found
memories of the unknowable
reaching beyond time and soul
into the spiral arms
of a universe's welcoming love.
It lingers in us all...
our lives, our loves
our pain, and our sorrow;
borne from the cradle of time
yet rests in the currents of our soul.
I understand the truth
of who I might still be;
No longer waiting in a world of dreams.
C.
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